What if I am too scared to ever kiss you?
What if one day you walk down the hallway and your hand is in someone else’s, what if they are the one to push back your brown hair and look into those wide eyes and nibble on the soft curve of your chin - what if one day we are sitting on the floor of your room and you are talking about him and I realize that I am out of time, I am out of opportunities, that because of my own fear, you will never ever love me -
what if in the late night when I have finally given up on you, when I am trying to teach myself to be happy you have someone who makes you smile - what if then you call me up, drunk, tongue too heavy for liquor to carry so you slur out that you used to love me so hard that you had chipped yourself on the edge of my teeth but were too convinced that I didn’t feel the same way so you pulled back, trying to salvage our friendship
what if I have to laugh and tell you to go to bed, what if I have to sit there as you hand the phone over to your more-sober beau as he chuckles and tells me that he’ll fight me if he has to, what if I have to pretend I am joking when I say “watch out, I’ll destroy you”
what if as the years wear on you never really get around to breaking up with him, what if I stop being your best friend
what if I have to watch you marry him on a day that smells like cherries and air that is springtime warm and skies that are so clear you wonder if god distilled the clouds that day - what if I am up at the alter, not as your significant other but as one of the party
what if I lose you no matter what action I take? I either wait to break myself later
or break us today.